His body stiffens in my arms. I try to sooth him with my voice -- telling him that all will be okay. He woke crying and refuses to be comforted. I hug his little body closer and ask softly. "Should I sing to you?" Instantly the crying ceases. Softly I begin to sing the songs he loves. "Jesus loves me this I know." His body relaxes in my arms and I cuddle him close. I study his little face as I sing -- feeling him wake to comfort. Tears tremble on dark lashes and he opens his blue eyes. He looks up to meet my gaze and I smile soft. Reassuring him again that all is well.
But inwardly my heart breaks for him. How I long to hold him close forever. To shelter him from the storms of life. To keep him from further pain and confusion. His two short years have known much uncertainty. Upheaval. Pain. Confusion. And I long to shelter him. To somehow stand between his world spinning and shattered with the poor choices of those who ought to be looking out for him and his trusting unguarded little heart. But the choice is beyond my control to make.
My own world is full of uncertainty -- spinning out of control. Long hoped for answers seem about to slip away as the last few days of last ditch efforts slide by. Will we once more stand empty handed with only questions and loss in this seemingly endless quest when we seemed so close and things looked so hopeful?
For one we love fearful, life altering possibility looms close and threatening. A diagnosis away. What is her Destiny? None of us can tell.
Shattered, angry, lives are caught in a seemingly endless cyclone of despair and bitterness as the years and prayers go on. Things only get worse and the darkness deepens. Will things ever change? Will the long hoped for miracle ever come? Faith treads wearily on where hope has withered.
Dreams smolder. Hearts Shiver beneath the drenching rains of uncertainty, stumble beneath the weight of promises that never seem to come and circumstances that cause the once glorious rainbow to fade and dim -- the sky growing black -- no break in the clouds appears. Only more heartbreak day after weary day. Where is the promised salvation? Where is the mover of mountains?
And it's then that the gentle voice is heard through the fog of my pain filled heavy heart. It is the sound of my Father singing.
And as He sings my crying ceases and I feel His strong arms hold me close. And as I feel His arms I know He holds the one I long to shelter too. He seeks the hearts of those broken lives, He loves the loved one facing life changing circumstances and he is the great healer. But even if He chooses to withhold healing, He can make her spirit whole. And he has promised to make her destiny sure. He knows all the twists and turns of this road and the how long and weary the journey. And as my eyes meet His He smiles gently as if to reassure me that it's all okay. And I know that it is because Jesus loves me, loves these I love and ache and pray for. He is in control even in the uncertainties of this storm. No matter what we face He will shelter us safe, until this storm passes by.
|Child and Dad|